Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
