K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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