and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
