I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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