after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
