Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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