you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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