took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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