He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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