If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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