Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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