He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
