Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
