I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
