just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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