whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
