omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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