gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
