Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
