Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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