I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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