There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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