You made me cry and you don't even care
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had sex on a roof
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
