he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
