you guys were way drunker than both of me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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