This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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