I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
