I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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