just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
