you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
