So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you never un-have a 4some
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