So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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