where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think my fart just growled at me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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