I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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