So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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