Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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