It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
