Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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