Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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