drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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