WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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