Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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