Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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