The best revenge is premature balding
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
