I just pynch a tree in the face
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
