I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
