You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
