I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
