Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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