I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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