meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
