This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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