I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I touched a dick in church today
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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