Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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