wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm jealous of your bromance
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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