My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't put those talents on a resume
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
