On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How external is "for external use only"?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
