Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You are the jesus of drinking
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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