All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
