I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
