white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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